Donnie

I was an angry person. When I was younger, my dad pressured me a lot and he had a short fuse. I have a son from a previous relationship and I’m not allowed to see him very often. I’ve been married for about a year and we have a newborn baby. I have a lot to be grateful and happy about, and just didn’t understand my anger and how I could just ‘snap.’ It didn’t feel good and I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want to raise my children this way.

With the encouragement and support of my wife and mom, I began to attend a group for anger management. We actively talked with each other about “anger triggers and cues” and “anger meter.” These are tools that truly helped me build self-awareness; what caused me to get angry, what those reactions were and felt like, how long did it take me to get to a point where I acted out. It was a lot of self discovery. We also got to a part of the class where we talked about “core hurts.” This caused me to dig and look at those deeper, underlying emotions – the emotions that were involved when I got angry. We learned about “cool downs.”

And then one day, there was a setback. I knew better, but there I was, in my car in the grocery store parking lot. I had an altercation. I was so angry, I yelled some ugly things, my anger meter went through the roof, I drove off red hot. I was so disappointed in myself. I didn’t want to go back to group and discuss my failure. But, I did. And we discussed it. They helped me discover that I had made some progress. In the past, I would have gotten out of the car and it would have gotten physical. I still didn’t feel good, but it was a step in the right direction. IT’s all about self-awareness.  It was a pivotal corner for me.

We all had stories; challenges and victories. We all had to have grown from the experience. I know I did – this group was a good move on my part. I’ve kept my handouts handy. I’ve shared them with my wife. I’m committed to the changes I’ve made. I’m worth it, my wife is worth it, and most of all, my children deserve a loving father that doesn’t fly off the handle.

– Donnie, a CHSFS Anger Management client