Even though you do not have control over the abuser’s violence, you do have a choice about how to respond to it. A safety plan is one of the most effective tools that you can use to prevent future harm or abuse from the abuser. A safety plan is important whether or not you decide to get an order for protection/restraining order, whether you report the abuse to the police or whether you break up with your partner without using the legal system. A safety plan is just as important if you decide to stay in the relationship. Through safety planning, you can think ahead about how to protect your own safety, and that of your children, instead of having to figure it out later when you may be in danger. The safety plan should be practical and specific. It can help you try to avoid dangerous situations and think of ways to react when you are in immediate danger.

• What should I do if I am still in the relationship?
  1. Call 911 for emergencies.
  2. Teach your children how to use 911.
  3. Create a safe place for your children to go if a violent incident occurs.
  4. Ask a neighbor to call the police if they hear any suspicious noises.
  5. Have a code word for children or friends to know when to call 911.
  6. If there is an argument, stay out of rooms that have weapons, i.e., kitchen, bathrooms.
  7. Know the number to the shelter near you.
  8. Keep important phone numbers (police, hotline, friends) with you at all times.
  9. Join a support group for victims of domestic violence.
  10. Update, review and practice your safety plan regularly.
  11. Find ways to increase your independence, such as getting a job, going to school, and developing relationships with supportive friends and family. 

What should I do if I am leaving the relationship, and/or the relationship is over?

1. Before you leave, identify a safe place you can go, whether with friends, family, or at a shelter.
2. Leave when the abuser is not at home.
3. Inform childcare providers, school administration, teachers and after-school program staff that the abuser does not have permission to pick up your children. If possible, obtain an Order for Protection that states the abuser cannot retrieve the children, and provide caregivers and administrators with a copy of the order.
4. Get a safe deposit box at a bank, for keeping important documents and papers: birth certificates, bank statements, checkbook, ATM card and PIN numbers, credit cards, drivers license, car registration and title, marriage certificates, social security cards, custody papers, health insurance or medical cards, welfare identification, passport, green card, work permit and any other immigration documents, mortgage payment book, current unpaid bills, insurance papers, address book, and any evidence that might help police in investigating your case (doctor's reports, pictures of injuries, threatening letters or phone message tapes).  
5. Leave a set of clothes, money and keys (house, car, P.O. box,  safe deposit box) with someone you trust so you can grab them quickly in case you must leave quickly or in case the abuser comes home before you can leave.
6. Open a bank account and/or credit card in your name, without the abuser. Get a cell phone in your name that the abuser does not know about. Obtain a Post Office box where your mail can be forwarded.

What if I'm staying in the home and the abuser is living elsewhere?

1. Contact the family court and ask to speak to a domestic-abuse advocate. Consider filing an Order For Protection (OFP).
2. Inform your neighbors, landlord, and housing authority that the abuser is no longer living with you. If you have an OFP, tell neighbors, etc., that the police should be notified if the abuser is seen in the area.
3. Likewise, inform your work supervisor, co-workers, and workplace security that you are no longer with an abuser. Supply them with the name, description, and photograph and inform them that the police should be notified if the abuser is seen in the area (particularly if this is in violation of an OFP).
4. Change the locks on the house and car
5. Try not to be alone in isolated areas; always be aware of your surroundings. Request a security escort to your car whenever possible.
6. Talk to someone you are comfortable with about the abuse for extra support. Join a support group for victims of domestic violence.

 What should I take with me if I have to leave home quickly?

1. Making it out safely is the most important thing. Do not stay in a dangerous situation for material things. They can be replaced.
2. Have an escape plan. What door or window can you leave safely from? What is the building's layout in terms of stairwells, elevators, etc.? Practice getting out quickly with your children.
3. Keep your purse, money, keys, etc. in a place where you can grab them and go.
4. Keep copies of important documents (see above), a change of clothes, and money at a relative's or friend's house or in the trunk of your car.