Myths & Realities About Domestic Violence

Myth: A woman’s pregnancy will stop the battering.

Reality: 50–70 percent of women abused before pregnancy are abused during pregnancy.[2]

Reality: Every year, approximately 3.3 million children in the

United States

between the ages of 3 and 17 witness domestic violence.[3] Many will not only witness the violence but become victims as well: child abuse occurs in up to 70 percent of families that experience domestic violence.[4] Children can be hurt by violence against a parent from objects thrown at him or her, or while he or she is holding the child, or because the child tries to protect the battered parent. Of boys age 11 to 20 who commit murder, 63 percent kill the man who is abusing their mother.[5] Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children as those men who did not witness domestic violence as children.[6]

Children who witness domestic violence are more likely to exhibit behavioral and physical-health problems, including depression, anxiety and violence toward peers.[7] Girls learn that society accepts violence against women. Girls who are abused are likely to become victims of abuse as adults.[8] Children in violent homes feel afraid and confused. They do not receive the benefit of a safe and nurturing environment that they deserve. Even if they are not physically abused, they are traumatized emotionally. Children learn by observing. If they see that an abuser gains control through violence, especially against someone less powerful, they learn to use violence in their own lives, at school and as adults.

Myth: Domestic violence is a private, family problem.

Reality: Domestic violence carries over to the workplace. A study of survivors found that 74 percent of employed battered women were harassed by their partners while they were at work.[9]. The annual cost of lost productivity due to domestic violence is estimated as $727.8 million, with more than 7.9 million paid workdays lost each year.[10] The cost of domestic violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental-health care services, much of which is paid by the employer.[11]

Myth: Abusers cannot change.

Reality: Abusive behavior is learned behavior; it is not innate. The criminal justice system can hold abusers accountable for their actions by sentencing them to jail and ordering counseling. In counseling, abusers are given the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for their behavior and to learn to act and communicate in nonviolent ways. Men who have abused a domestic partner can learn how their socialized beliefs about male dominance impede intimacy. Men and women learn that violence is intentional, that it is a choice designed to control their intimate partner; that the effects of abusive behavior damage the family; and that everyone has the ability to change.[12] However, these programs are only as effective as the willingness of the abuser to change.

[1] U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001,” February 2003. [2] Saltzman, Johnson, Gilbert, and Goodwin, “Physical Abuse Around the Time of Pregnancy,” Maternal and Child Health Journal, Vol. 7, 2003.

[3] “Domestic Violence: We Can Live Without It, Right & Options Available under the Law,” Knoxville Bar Association, 1999. [4] Bowker, Arbitell, and McFerron, “On the Relationship between Wife Beating and Child Abuse,” in Yillo and Gofrad’s Feminist Perspectives on Wife Abuse, 1998. [5] “Domestic Violence: We Can Live Without It, Right and Options Available under the Law,” Knoxville Bar Association, 1999. [6] Strauss, Gelles, and Smith, “Physical Violence in American Families,” Families, 1990. [7] Jaffe and Sudermann, “Child Witness of Women Abuse: Research and Community Response,” in Stith and Straus, Understanding Partner Violence, Families in Focus Services, Vol. II, 1995. [8] McDonnell, Gielen, and O’Campo, “Does HIV Status Make a Difference in the Experience of Lifetime Abuse?” Journal of Urban Health 80(3), 2003. [9] The Workplace Guide for Employers, Unions and Advocates, Family Violence Prevention Fund, 1998. [10] Cost of Intimate Partner Violence against Women in the United States, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 2003. [11] Cost of Intimate Partner Violence against Women in the United States, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, 2003. [12] From the website for Minnesota Program Development Inc., a nonprofit agency that works towards the elimination of violence in the lives of women and their children. www.duluth-model.org/recentresearch.htm. Retrieved 3/27/07.